I started studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses in 1989, when I was 41 years old. A latecomer, you might say. I was finally baptized in February of 1993. I wasn't convinced totally of their honesty or being "The Truth," as they claim, but enough to get baptized. I went inactive in 1994, not long after getting remarried to a woman who was also a JW. Finally, in 2000, I disassociated myself from the JWs, but due to remaining married to a JW, who had children form a previous marriage, the JW influence did not leave my house until March of 2002, when we separated and are now divorcing.

While a member of the JWs, I at first thought I had found a home and sincere people filled with love of others. I tried to be as good a JW as I could, but found I was always falling short of expectations. Still, I tried my best to be as good a JW as some claimed they were, even planning on reaching out for "privileges" and hopefully, making "elder" one day. That just wasn't to be.

Right after I remarried, since I now was head of a new step family of three little "darlings" (said in best sarcastic voice), I approached an elder in my congregation for help in getting through to the kids and hopefully, get them to talk to the elder and give me some feedback, so I knew how to approach them and try to run the house better. The boy, 8 at the time, took control of this meeting, as I stayed out to give them the chance to speak freely. He spoke privately to the elder and no one else was spoken too. After the meeting they held, I was taken behind the Kingdom Hall and chewed out for about 50 minutes for being militaristic, abusive and overbearing. I was called a liar when I said the boy has emotional problems, something his Mom even admitted to, after we married. I was hardly given the chance to get in a word edgewise. To this day, I am not entitled to know what was said.

After this meeting finished, we went home and I was pissed. The boy was elated, feeling he had gotten over on me and was controlling the house still, as he did prior to my marrying his Mom. I left for the remainder of the afternoon, going down by the river to walk and rethink about my situation. I even stopped and bought a pack of cigarettes to smoke, I was that upset. When I returned home that evening, I was calmer, but still very upset. I stopped going to the Kingdom Hall and after about three weeks that same elder and another stopped by to see why I stopped. Unfortunately, the elder that I had the run-in with came with a definite attitude and openly displayed it to me. When I said if he was just going to have an attitude, he could get up and leave, the other elder chimed in about how wrong I was.

Still, after explaining how I felt, and what was really going on with the new stepfamily, I thought they understood and their offers of helping me were sincere. They weren't and no help ever came. I never asked for any of them to discipline the kids or anything beyond simple support that I was indeed the head of the house. [I thought they would] encourage the wife to do the disciplining that she dumped off on me instead of wanting me to. All this was just too much to ask, I suppose. Still, they had no problem stopping by and accusing me of meanness and abuse, even though Children's Protective Services investigated the house and me some eleven times and cleared me each and every time. To the witnesses, I was just rotten and no good. They accepted it for truth because the boy said so. And, we all know step kids never lie about a stepparent, don't we?

This continued for about the next five years finally culminating in one last elders visit. A few days earlier, I was trying to talk to the boy, about 13 by now, and to keep his attention; I had a hold of his shoulder. He squirmed away and I trieed to keep him still. I did end up leaving a mark about half the size of my thumb on his shoulder. Of course, the elders ended up finding out about it and I was given the pleasure of a visit, once again, accused of abuse. The meeting did not go well and I soon discovered it was purely a visit from two elders to establish a reason to disfellowship me. I ended up kicking them out and soon received a certified letter informing me of my Judicial Hearing. Since the meeting was actually a set-up to set fault, I felt I had been wronged, especially after seeking their assistance for so many years. I refused to attend the meeting and threatened legal action if they continued to harass me. I did this in a three-page letter to the congregation, the Watchtower Society and the elder that convened the committee. It must have worked because they ended up pretty much dropping it.

About a year later, the youngest stepdaughter got into arguing with her Mom often. By now, I had stopped trying to do anything with these kids and just stayed out of it. She ran away and was brought back after about a week. I still stayed out of it all, other than to take the kids to the mall and buy them all new clothes. This was on Saturday. On Monday, she ran away again, taking all the new clothes. When found, the wife decided to ship her off to Texas to live with her grandparents. In the mean time, the rumor around the Kingdom Hall was that I was beating her and forced her to run away. This rumor was actually started by the kids, still back-stabbing every chance they got. Again, we all know kids never lie.

Shortly after getting to Texas, I found out that I had been investigated and cleared of child molestation charges by the local police. The complaint came from Texas. Of course, the JW in-laws all just knew the local police did not do their jobs and that I needed jailed, as well as disfellowshipped. Never mind, that molestation is about the worst thing I could ever imagine, since I was molested as a small boy myself. Before becoming a JW, I raised two daughters as a single Dad and nothing of the sort ever happened. Both my daughters were livid when they heard of this latest accusation. And, so was I. I told the JW wife that that girl was to never set foot in my house again, for any reason.

Due to the rumors and continual condemnation and interference from the JWs, I decided I had had enough and wrote a letter of disassociation and mailed it to the Hall and the Watchtower Society, thinking that would stop the nonsense. Nothing was further from the truth. Whenever JW friends of the wife would come by, I was shunned, as all “disassociated” people are. But, in my own house? I let it be known, to no avail that I was not going to tolerate being shunned within my own house and most of the JW friends chose to no longer stop by.

In this same time, the JW wife also decided that the girl needed to be brought back from Texas. She asked me about it and I reminded her that I said she was to never step foot in my house again. A week later, her and her sister left for the afternoon and returned with that girl. Their afternoon outing was to go and pick her up from the airport, without telling me. I was not only surprised, but angry as can be too. I was later told that the elders she consulted informed her that I could do nothing about it if she just brought her back.

Due to this and the fact that as some JWs still stopped by and shunned me in my house, the marriage went down hill even faster than it already was. We separated in March of 2002 and the divorce papers are being filed now. The JW wife cannot understand why I wish a divorce and the elders she still consults support her divorcing an apostate as me. Finally, something I can agree with the elders on.

In all, I left on my own and received no help and hell will freeze over before I return to a Kingdom Hall. If I had only received some simple support, the marriage probably would have survived and I might still be JW today. But, although it was a drastic way to find out, the JWs so called love is very conditional and they are amongst the most judgmental of religions I have ever experienced.

To any contemplating becoming a JW, I recommend shooting yourself in the head, instead. It will be a lot less painful and over with sooner.

Lew Waters (aka DakotaRed)